To start- I will once again ignore the lessons I set out for myself to begin with.
I've had it with the Giants- Sabean may be the most frustrating executive I can think of. Simply put it, the damn team causes me too much pain to be worth it anymore. As such, I need a new team to root for. A few pre-requisites: Although Im not a Giants fan, I do maintain a few lessons I learnt- that teams like the Chavez Latrine inhabitants or Rally Monkey's are not groups I could ever bear to be associated with- the Yankees are more appealing than those 2.
Eliminated from consideration other than the 2 above:
Marlins- I cannot now or ever root for anything to do with Jefffery Loria. Baseball in Montreal was dying a death - but Loria was an executioner, and an unwanted one.
Braves- I remember 1993- those bastards. Screw you Salomon Torres - you share half the blame.
Mets- Uh, No.
Phillies- Im not sure I want to root for a team who's GM chooses to display his fetishes in the strangest of ways - Ed Wade's affinity for MR is shown best by his actions in consistently rewarding their mediocrity with 2 year, $6 million contracts.
Nationals- Any team that Bud Selig is the taskmaster for is a team I want nothing to do with.
Cubs - Dusty Baker, ever more fans who are happy losing, and a perception of greatness - and did I mention Dusty Baker ?
Astros - Ya, screw you Lance Berkman - goddamn HR against Hermanson. That game could have been useful. Also, I dont forget Larry Deirker's chickenhawk act in 2000.
Cardinals - Every time I think of St Louis, I think of the back-patting group that keeps calling themselves the best, classiest fans in baseball. Since class and me dont particularly mix, I'll pass.
Brewers- The Taint of Selig is still strong in this one.
Pirates- 4 years "living" and getting an "education" in Pittsburgh meant 4 years of watching the Pirates - reliving it again is not an option. Littlefield and Bonifay keep proving that every time something is idiot proof (rebuilding), the Pirates come up with a better idiot.
Reds - Marge Schott. Carl Lindener. A would be Nazi and a cheapskate. Combine that with a decline has-been superstar who was voted the player of the 90's primarily because he smiled a lot (over a slightly decent LF)
Latrine Inhabitants - See Above.
Diamondbacks - I curse that fact that this group of misfits fueled by junk accounting won the goddamn 2001 world series. I do root for the fiftyandahalfbacks, especially when they compete for last place.
Rockies- Shawon Chacon's gaspipe job against the Dodgers last year, compared with his riviera-esque performance against the Giants make them a non option. Also, they won 86 games in their second year, and brought Neifi to the world. That sin will not be forgiven easily.
Padres- Have had a useful ability of failing against the Giants, but they played a little too well in 2004. And Ray Krock and McDonalds- urgh.
Right, perhaps an AL team would be better suited to my needs anyway:
Yankees - No thank you. If I wanted to root for evil incarnate, I'd become a Dodgers fan.
Red Sox - I live in Boston and I did enjoy their title run, and they have always been a solid 2nd team for me. That being said, if I hear one more fan talk about how they are underdogs with a $128 M payroll ... well, not a good thing.
Blue Jays- To quote South Park- Blame Canada. And who am I to disagree with animated puppets ?
Orioles - Yeah right- Im giving up on the Giants because of their management- and I'd take the Orioles ? That's akin to swapping Jennifer Love Hewitt for Sally Field- assuming equivalent intellectual levels.
D-Rays: Expansion team, that seems more interested in tools than an actual ability to play baseball. Playing in a division with the 2 biggest payrolls in baseball. I'd like to leave myself some minimalistic vestige of hope in my new abode.
White Sox: See Orioles- and swap Sally Field for Margaret Thatcher.
Indians: Young improving team that seems to recognize how to build a organization. However, their loss to the Marlins in 1997 compelled Brian Sabean to think Livan Hernandez was any good - and I had to deal with 4 years of a pitcher who's greatest performance was blowing Game 7. Hell No.
Royals: The Neifi effect- if Allard Baird had persisted in his stupidity, they might have kept Neifi and I would not have been compelled to therapy for El Malo's tenure in San Francisco. No can do.
Twins: Carl Pohlad. Stealing Joe Nathan ,and dumping the human Double Play machine known as AJ Pryszenski on me last year. Has a manager who thinks all those new fangled statistics arent as good a measure as heart- I don't need Baker redux.
Tigers: A team has to have had a .500 season in the last 10 years for me to give a damn. They haven't- and signing Dean Palmer for 5 years and $35 million isnt going to change that.
A's: 1989 was the Giants team that could have won it all. they didnt. Guess who I blame.
Angels: Never. Fans who think beating sticks serves as entertainment. If I could back with a whimsical time traveler- Scott Spezio would get a visit from Tonya Harding. Bastards broke my heart- I have never been so close to happiness and yet had it taken away as 2002. The glass I shattered in my hand that day didnt hurt- I was numb already.
Rangers: Signed the best player in the AL to a contract, signed a big media deal as a result of it, and then bitched and moaned for 4 years that it was his fault they couldnt contend. Also prevent the Dodgers from re-signing Chan Ho Park.
Mariners: Meh. Its hard to be passionate about a team that seems to think choirboys are more important than players with any ability. Also, see Spezio, Scott.
Right, having eliminated those pesky alternatives- I leave myself with a wide variety of options for a new team. Why, we have the .... . well..... maybe the ......... or not. The only team left, and thus my team for the future: The Giants.